When I was in the formative years of my youth, a person in position of authority over me routinely admonished me with the words, “be humble”. It didn’t matter that he would blow his trumpet whenever he wished but I was to always “be humble”.

What does “be humble” mean and why do some adults or the elderly use it to admonish their children or the youth? And why did it feel as if I was being put down and told to shut up every time it was said to me?

Humility, I have learnt, is not subservience. It is not a command to lose your sense of self-respect and self-confidence. It doesn’t entitle another person to put you down, or demean you in any way. Humility is not to allow others to dismiss your achievements or to claim them as their own. Humility is not arrogant or narcissistic either. Rather there is a strength and power in humility.

Humility is the willingness to acknowledge who and what one is, exactly as one is. If one is happy, humility is to be happy. If one is sad or feeling grief, humility is to feel one’s sadness or grief and cry. If one has achieved a goal, humility is to celebrate one’s achievement.

There is no humility in feigning meekness or subservience whilst inwardly seething or feeling superior. There is no humility in putting others down by demanding that they “be humble” so your low-sense of self worth is not threatened by their brilliance or so you can feel superior over them and manipulate them into doing whatever suits you.

To be humble is to be vulnerable. To be humble is to be kind and feeling towards yourself and others. To be humble is to be REAL. And how many people do you know who are real? Admittedly, I know NONE. No One. Every single person I know walks around with a facade put together over their lifetime. A facade so reinforced, that the real persona has little chance of ever coming up to the surface and finding expression. A facade that ensures their survival both in their employment relationship and every other relationship.

The truth is the person who repeatedly admonished me with “be humble” was himself arrogant and narcissistic. And today, after years of self reflection and inner growth, I realise that those words were meant for him, not me. And yes, it took me years to realise that!

I also realised that his narcissistic persona and his chronic need to belittle and control others, was simply a pathological compensation for his crushingly low self esteem. And his manner towards me little to do with me, but everything to do with him.

Of the four elements, Earth, Wind, Fire and Water, Water is the strongest element, simply because it is the softest. To be humble is to be like water. Vital yet soft. Permeating yet yeilding. And like water, humility is a fundamental requirement for a healthy existence.