Dr. Hanaan Balala

Be Positive!

If you have ever spoken to a trusted friend, confidant, parent, sibling or partner about something bothering you or upsetting only to have them dismiss you with, “Oh, be positive!” this post is probably as much for you as it is for me.

My experience is that other people don’t want to hear complaints, problems or any sort of complications in another’s life. The frequent response is avoidance, in all its forms, including, “Oh be positive!” or “Don’t worry, it will all work out.” In the interim, one is left still consumed with worry or embroiled in the issue they hoped speaking to their friend, sibling or confidant, would bring relief from. Instead, we are left feeling unheard and shut down from expressing ourselves.

Fact is, though speaking to another person may bring temporary relief from a problem or issue faced, it seldom ever provides an antidote to it. Worse still, if done repeatedly, it causes an emotional dependancy on such friends etc and eventually, it may ruin those relationships.

It is important that we realise that often we expect other people to understand what we are feeling or going through, and we become disappointed when they don’t. In reality, no one else can really understand what we are going through, even if they went through a similar experience. The best of them may empathise with us (and the ability to empathise is becoming increasingly scarce and valuable in friends and those we relate to) but many others will simply stare back at you with glazed looks in their eyes as you pour your heart out to them. My advise: save yourself the double agony of pouring your heart out to someone who will never be able to receive you emotionally, and on top of that, dismiss your feelings as weakness, an inability to “pull your self together” or otherwise shun you for revealing the rawness in you, that you entrusted them with.

So, what does one do with one’s self in the face of fear, anxiety or challenges that cause us to feel sad? Before I answer this question, I would like to share my perspective on the myth of positivity.

Positivity does not mean always be happy and look at your circumstances or the world around you with rose-tinted glasses! Positivity does not mean never have fear or anxiety; never cry or feel hurt and heart-broken; never feel or express anger, grief or disappointment. Positivity is not a prescription to wholesale deny our pain and real feelings.

Positivity means seeing things for what they are. To be positive is simply to affirm a thing or state or feeling for what it is. And there is Power in acknowledging feelings and people for what they are. If one is hurt, the positive thing to do is to cry and release that hurt then pick one’s self up and carry on. Its how children do it each time they learn to walk or speak or any other new ability/skill. It is the only way to overcome grief or illness. Acknowledge it, experience it, heal from it and return to wellness. As long as we associate positivity to denial of what one is feeling or experiencing, we are dooming our selves to a lifetime dependency on drink, drugs, entertainment, work and any other escape that takes us away from the reality facing us. And there is little positive about that.

So, to answer the question posed above, the next time a friend, partner or sibling tells you, “Oh be positive!” in the face of frustrating, sad or trying circumstances, look them straight in the eye and tell them, “I am being positive, if only you will allow me to and not deny what I am going through because you are emotionally incapable of supporting me through it. I am facing the reality of my situation.”

It is important, however, to point out that often we have a tendency to wallow in self-pity and indulge feelings of woe. That’s not what I am encouraging at all. Neither am I encouraging throwing adult-tantrums at others for not indulging your self-pity or woe. Hate, spite, vindictiveness and punishing others for not doing what we want or expect is not acceptable behaviour. In fact, the feeling of hate only develops through the suppression of naturally feeling and expressing one’s sadness. Regular suppression of a person and their feelings over a prolonged period of time, causes one to build resentment, spite and eventually deep-seated hate towards the person, people, or entity suppressing them. Hate is not a natural emotion. Nor is vindictiveness, whatever its guise. Rather, they develop because of the prolonged suppression of our natural emotions.

It is, therefore, universally important that we allow ourselves to feel all our natural emotions including fear and sadness, regardless of whether they are shunned by others simply because they make them uncomfortable. If feeling sad was not ok, why did God give us tear ducts or create in us the ability to feel sad? Children feel sad and cry when uncomfortable or distressed. We too, as adults of varying ages will have occasion to feel sad in our lives and it is vital that we allow ourselves to feel our sadness and release it so that it does not build up resentment and hate in us. If young people, for instance, were allowed to effectively feel their feelings, and express themselves, they would not get frustrated and rebel or become violent and harm themselves. Fear is another natural emotion we are created to feel and it has positive uses. The suppression of fear or the indulgence in fear can, however, have disastrous effects both on the person and the society.

Feeling one’s sadness or fear and letting it go, is one of the most cathartic and positive experiences one can have in life. Don’t just believe me, TRY IT. Create a safe space for your self to feel your emotions, however best works for you, and try it.

Hanaan Balala

165 responses to “Be Positive!”

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  11. This is one of the most informative posts I’ve read on this topic. Your clear explanations and real-life examples are incredibly helpful.

  27. Dumbbells permit for a higher vary of movement in the shoulder joint,
    which might help increase flexibility and mobility.
    Diamond push-ups, also identified as triangle push-ups, are a extra superior sort of basic push-ups.
    They provide all the benefits of a regular push-up, 
    with a special give consideration to the triceps and inside chest.

    The longer your muscle tissue are beneath rigidity, the more durable they work and the
    bigger they get.
    Decrease the dumbbells till your upper arms contact the ground, then forcefully press them again up to beginning
    position. This train effectively targets your inner chest muscles and helps improve total pec development.
    Incorporate a selection of actions like decline diamond push-ups, weighted plate decline
    chest press, and dumbbell squeeze bench presses to maximize progress.
    The chest muscle tissue, primarily often identified as the pectoralis main and pectoralis minor, play a
    pivotal function in varied upper body movements.

    The pectoralis main covers the higher part of the chest,
    attaching to the sternum and clavicle, then stretching
    across to connect at the humerus bone close
    to the shoulder. The Cable Crossover is a resistance coaching exercise primarily concentrating on the inner chest muscles.
    The train involves using cable machines to perform a fly-like motion with the arms, crossing them in entrance of
    the physique.
    Sculpting your internal chest is achievable with these prime 10 workout routines for the inner chest.
    Sensible and efficient, these workout routines can easily be integrated into your workout routine.
    It anchors from ribs three by way of 5 and extends up to connect close
    to the scapula’s high edge.
    This machine allows you to safely push the inside chest to full fatigue and beyond,
    guaranteeing you’ll give it the kick it must develop.
    You won’t be in a position to sculpt your inside chest
    with no strong slab of “building material”’ – i.e.
    muscle. Having a stronger and thicker inside chest can additionally be useful in protecting the pec muscle in a stretched position since there’s extra muscle tissue at the origin level.
    Adding size and definition to the inner chest is a
    worthwhile objective for many trainees. If the inner chest is a spotlight area for you, you’ll
    need to prepare it a minimal of twice per week. The inner chest
    does embrace the center a part of the muscle stomach as properly
    as the tendons that connect the muscle to the bone.
    The Reverse Grip Dumbbell Bench Press is a variation of the traditional bench press
    exercise that involves gripping the dumbbells with a supinated or underhand
    grip, as opposed to an overhand grip. This exercise is usually used to focus
    on the higher chest, shoulders, and triceps, while additionally engaging the
    core muscular tissues for stability. In the shoulder girdle,
    the major muscle tissue concerned are the serratus anterior and pectoralis minor.
    The serratus anterior, situated on the outer floor of the ribs,
    is roofed by the scapula at the rear and the pectoralis major in entrance.
    Coated by the pectoralis main, the pectoralis minor is the small muscle located on the front of the
    higher chest.
    Isolated exercises particularly focus on the contraction of the inside chest with out participating other muscle teams extensively.
    The Weighted Svend Press is an efficient approach to isolate and
    strengthen your inside chest muscle tissue while additionally working on upper physique
    stability. Incorporating this train into your routine may help
    you develop a extra outlined and sculpted chest.
    Applying proper form and technique is equally important to prevent injury and maximize features.
    Maintain your shoulder blades retracted throughout chest presses to protect your shoulders and make positive that the pectoral muscle
    tissue are absolutely engaged. Standard or incline push-ups (against a wall or together with your palms on a
    chair) are a fantastic chest train for body weight chest
    exercises. This inner chest exercise is normally carried out
    on the end of a chest workout to burn the inner pecs.
    The advantages of the flat bench dumbbell fly include elevated chest muscle activation,
    improved upper body strength and stability, and enhanced chest aesthetics.
    It’s additionally a fantastic exercise for those seeking to
    develop the mind-muscle connection within the chest muscle tissue.
    Heavy sets should go all the means down to 6-8 reps.
    End up with the isolation workout routines (choose 1-2) with
    a comparatively lighter weight, doing three sets of reps.

    This chest press variation makes use of an incline bench, which targets the pectoralis major and shoulders.

    To avoid straining your shoulders or rotator cuff, you
    must consider using a lighter weight for incline dumbbell
    chest presses. The incline barbell bench press
    locations larger emphasis on the upper portion of
    the pectoralis main.
    It acts heavily on the sternal head, which is what we want for the internal chest.
    While the bench press doesn’t act directly on the
    internal chest, it develops the strength that helps the workout routines that do.
    If you’re battling keeping the weight balanced, you’ll have the ability to experiment with elevating your hips off of the bench slightly.
    Getting more stability beneath your belt goes to assist together with your core energy as well as methodically turning your pecs into strong metal as
    you construct and industrialize your pectoral muscle tissue.
    Dumbbell pullovers are much like skull crushers, but a quantity of tweaks to the exercise make this an amazing motion for
    your pectoral muscle tissue. It combines the flexion and adduction of your lower chest,
    and it’s simple to pack on plenty of weight right here as you progress.

    The triceps pushdown is the most effective cable triceps exercise for 
    adding muscle mass to the higher back side of the arms. Analysis indicates that
    combining lateral and frontal raises can lead to larger shoulder energy gains than just one train. This is
    as a end result of lateral raises primarily goal the
    middle deltoid, whereas frontal raises emphasize the anterior deltoid.

    But, if you can carry out this basic bodyweight train, you’ve top-of-the-line chest exercises at your disposal.
    For many people, dumbbells are preferable to a barbell
    in this exercise. Not only because it might be easier
    to get into place with them, but also as a end result of they may permit
    an extended range of motion, which is most likely going positive for your pec muscle development.
    The other one bends and extends with you to assist push your physique back-up.And then from there, you presumably
    can carry out the complete fly but together with your
    palms positioned nearer to your knees to decrease the load.
    Over time, you’ll be able to lengthen the lever and enhance the load positioned on the chest by performing the motion together
    with your palms additional out ahead from your knees.

    Utilizing dumbbells instead of a barbell (which we’ll focus on next) means you’ll have the
    ability to strengthen your wrists through wrist rotation as
    you carry out your lifts. This helps to have interaction various small stabilizer
    muscular tissues discovered throughout the chest area while additionally giving your pecs a
    radical exercise. The steady resistance afforded by the use of cables makes the cable
    crossover nice for controlling the movement of your reps.
    To goal both your upper and decrease chest concurrently,
    cable crossovers are a fantastic choice – and
    they’re the proper finisher.
    Like the fly above, the most important a half of this exercise for inner
    chest improvement is the squeeze once your arms are prolonged.

    Think About holding and squeezing for an additional few counts when you press both of your arms collectively.

    But one other variation of the fly, this actually is
    a definite exercise and requires practice. Isolateral movements permit you to
    concentrate on weaknesses that persist on one facet of the physique.
    Related to the shut grip bench press, the hex press takes benefit of dumbbells
    and transfers rigidity in another way.
    You don’t have to spend greater than 
    a quantity of minutes, and don’t over-stretch.

    Push-ups are most likely the best-known exercise out there and could be carried out easily with none tools and with minimal space.
    The Sunshine Heavyweight belt-holder breaks down his training forward of one other title
    protection. An alternative is bedsheet flies, where we use the setup I offered
    in my full physique home exercise article. Just to recap, it is done
    by tying two knots collectively and throwing them over a door.
    Do a standard pushup but descend slowly (4 to 5 seconds)
    and rise usually.
    As Quickly As every week will in all probability be plenty for
    many, however when you really feel that you have recovered quicker and that you could
    beat your earlier weights, you would repeat it every 4–5 days.
    This workout is aimed at both strength and muscle development, and it is possible for you to to
    get good outcomes of each with it. Moreover, the pectoralis minor contributes to the respiration process.

    Throughout inhalation, the contraction of the pectoralis minor elevates the ribs, allowing air to fill
    the lungs. Stop worrying about your “inner” or “outer” chest and simply focus
    on maximizing your general chest features as a complete through proper exercise
    selection, type and progressive overload. You can’t isolate or shift extra emphasis onto the
    “inner chest” for the easy purpose that there actually isn’t any such thing.

    Overtraining your inside chest can lead to fatigue, soreness, and even harm.
    Giving your muscle tissue sufficient time to relaxation and get well between workouts is necessary to
    avoid overtraining and maximize your gains. To see these bodyweight actions
    structured into a complete residence chest exercise
    with newbie and superior modifications, try my article Bodyweight Chest
    Workout. You can use these exercises together in a house exercise
    that uses metabolic overload to create the mandatory microtears within the
    chest muscle fibers to spark new progress potential.
    To see my picks for greatest corrective and adduction dumbbell chest exercises,
    try my article Best Dumbbell Workout Routines for Chest.
    The Weighted Dip and the High to Low Cable Crossover are a fantastic combo of one of the
    best lower chest exercises, but there’s a couple more chest resistance training strikes I wished to share with you.
    In the earlier part I showed you a variety of the most important parts of an excellent chest workout routine and some workouts for each.

    They not solely train you the most effective inside chest workout but additionally offer you a food regimen plan that complements your advanced
    exercise. The press and fly actions could be accomplished with a set of
    dumbbells and a bench. With resistance bands, you’ll find a way to simulate all types of crossover angles.
    Although it takes a little practice to grasp the bodyweight dip for chest growth,
    this functional train is ideal for house or
    park workouts as nicely. Not forgetting about the lower
    a part of the inner chest muscle tissue, dips are an efficient way to provide a
    stretch and hard contraction of the decrease sternal and belly heads of
    the pecs. Constructing on the concept of including extra
    shoulder adduction into inner chest workout routines, the sort of equipment used is necessary.
    Hand positioning also enhances internal chest workouts
    by letting the forearm rotate in the course of the concentric portion of a raise.

    “This is a superb train to implement into your program, giving your higher body push routine some variety,” Shannon says.

    Benefits of the flat bench press include increased
    upper body energy, improved chest and tricep muscle dimension and definition, and improved total upper physique aesthetics.
    It can even assist improve posture, bone density, and general upper body functional energy.
    Nonetheless, it’s essential to use correct form and begin with a manageable weight to avoid
    harm and maximize advantages.
    The pectoralis main is a large muscle that covers the chest; the anterior deltoid is
    found on the front of the shoulder. The serratus anterior is positioned
    on the aspect of the torso instantly underneath the armpit, and the pectoralis minor is underneath the pectoralis major.
    One Other boon of the standing cable chest fly is that it
    is simple to maintain constant rigidity on the muscle tissue
    all through the entire vary of movement.
    Another foundational exercise – everybody should
    know tips on how to perform the dumbbell fly. The dumbbell fly takes benefit of arm rotation to essentially hit
    the internal chest. Dumbbell pullovers may also be done with resistance bands or barbells, so you’re not
    limited to dumbbells if that’s not your device of alternative.

    Your typical program consists of a big, compound exercise or exercises
    adopted by isolation train, or workout routines. For this specific method, although, you’re going to chill out
    on the massive lifts and double down on the smaller ones.
    Isolation workouts are a great way to hyper-focus and zero in on one specific muscle, in addition to tap into smaller, extra discreet
    muscle fibers. This exercise hits all the right marks—without the bells and whistles of other unconventional pec
    strikes. Put in the work, and it’ll put the finishing touches in your upper
    body. The factors that create a shredded internal chest look embrace building the internal portion of the muscle,
    together with cutting to comparatively low body fat to reveal the muscle beneath.

    References:

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